Love is in the Air

I am excited, happy and joyful that my best friends have found great boyfriends! I love that they are happy, and have someone special.

A small, really small, seed inside of me wonders what it would be like to have a real girl/boyfriend. One that is not friends with benefits, a one night/week stand. Someone to call my own.

I don't think I'm ready, I think I will hurt the person who tries. A part of me is still broken. Not really from being raped, it is more like that I saw how relationships have destroyed people I loved. How they have good lives, but not the extrodinary they could have had.

I want the extrodinary, I want the dream. I want to be in love, but a part of think thinks I will lose my dreams. I love my dreams, and until I meet someone with the same dreams I think I will fight. I think I will still be broken.

Relationships

I might be using Michelle as a crutch so that I don't have a real relationship, because I already have one. Not really one, I mean how real can it be? I date, but no it can't be serious because I'm with someone. I think, I need to end it even though I don't want to. I want something real and solid and the thing with Michelle isn't. And, it can't be for right now.